loss

i have been thinking a lot lately (i've heard! um, no one will get this... anyway) about how much i regret not studying abroad when i was at sju. i look at pictures of people who are abroad now or went abroad, and am just so incredibly jealous. i always envisioned going to college, and in my sophomore or junior year studying abroad with some close friends and having the time of my life. but that just didn't happen. i picked up a bunch of applications while i was in school for spain, london, and australia, but i never followed through. i mean, a lot got in the way (namely theater) but thinking back, i really would had said fuck it all, and studied abroad. and now i have this desire to go certain places but a- i don't have the money and b- will probably be working somewhere in the immediate future (ps, work places, call me????) and i will just not have the time an money to travel. whatever, forget regret, right? i don't know.

in other news, i got a call from a 212 number when i was at wegmans today, and dropped everything i was holding and answered the phone, only to find it was an apartment broker telling me that he found a 'killer' apartment. i wanted to tell him 'fuck your killer apartment' and hang up. ugh. THIS NEEDS TO STOP.

~annalisa

a moment like this...

steve carrell was right... OMG KELLY CLARKSON!

what i love about an artist is when he or she sings better than their cd. WOW WOW WOW. no comparison.
i wish i recorded the concert. or at least the part when she pointed to me and said thank you for knowing the lyrics to the new cd.
best birthday gift i could ever get. wow.

~annalisa

it's the little things

what made my entire night?
kristen chenoweth and ellen greene singing together on "pushing daisy's". now if only raul jumped right in the next time he guest stars, then that will make my entire life.

~annalisa

easy silence

i have been better. i've been uneasy, tense, anxious, and have been snapping at people. visibly, i look "tired" and "sad" (direct quotes from the past week and a half). my phone remains in my pocket at all times, both with the "don't stop believing" ringtone and vibrate. my mom told me when the first bout of doubt sets in, that is when things stop happening. i have been trying and trying to stay positive and optimistic, but i can't help the doubt as time passes. i am at the end of my rope. i have been trying for more than a year. and i left my last bit of optimism at breakfast when my father suggested looking at other places in buffalo. if this doesn't work, i am done for awhile. i will take the retail job, and stay here. there has been too much disappointment, and i just can't take anymore. you have to work hard for your dreams, but there is only so much one person can take. there should be no reason to be this anxious. i don't sleep at night. i wake up early, and do nothing all day. of course, there are a million things i could be doing. but i just can't make myself do anything. i tried taking a yoga course, but i just have no motivation to go. i had 5 spa treatments, but feel no less stressed. i don't even feel like picking up the phone and scheduling my final treatment. and i can't even begin to talk about the constant fighting between my mother and grandmother. honestly...

i didn't intend for this to be sad. i'm not sad per say... i'm just... there. i don't know. i just need a response, get it over with, move on. except i have no more strength to move on to the next thing.


~annalisa

dvr

i think my faithful followers deserve an update. it's going to be a pretty boring journal as nothing, and i mean NOTHING is going on in my life.

-my birthday is on the way. i get excited when i see milk cartons and other experation dates that expire on my birthday. what am i doing this year? kelly clarkson concert?? YES. and then i am going out downtown with my friends. it should be a fun birthday.

-my dad is dressing up as edna turnblad for halloween at work. that is all.

-no, i have not heard from the job. it's an absolutely terrible waiting game. every time i hear the "don't stop believing" ringtone from my phone, i jump 4 feet in the air only to find that it is not a 212 area code. but there is a reason why i changed my ringtone to "don't stop believing"...

-okay, it is not a lie when i say that i am in borders at least 5 times a week. thank god they have 39482 employees so they don't think i am bizarre coming in so much. i have been reading about 2 books a week now (lalala i do nothing in my life). perhaps i should go to a library??

-i went to friday's today and had the three course meal. seriously, this is why america has an obesity problem. i had FRIED green beans with FRIED chicken fingers and french FRIES, followed by oreo cake. um, i didn't eat the chicken fingers and fries because i was nauseous from the green beans. omg. i need a gym.

-my family got dvr last week. and it has changed my life.

happy fall...

~annalisa

waiting game

and now i wait.

~annalisa

happy thanksgiving, eh?

i am lucky in that i get to celebrate thanksgiving twice a year. my family lives in toronto, and every year i get the chance to catch up and eat deliciousness. regardless of any upsets that occured this weekend (and wow, were there fights) i had a nice time, and i was really lucky to spend time with my cousin teresa before she is off to saigon, vietnam for a year. it was also really nice that my cousin anna got to come and visit buffalo since she hasn't been able to come for awhile.

my second interview is on friday, and i leave thursday night. i will be in the city apartment hunting this weekend just to get a feel of what the apartment situation is like. i'm crossing my fingers that the interview will go well. but for now, i just prepare and prepare and prepare.

~annalisa

to be or not to be

i don't think i could be anymore confused than i am right now. i need an easy button for life.

~annalisa

cupcakes anyone?

i don't want to jinx things. but things went well. really well. to the point i have a second interview next week and they are paying for me to go out there. and it is with a place i didn't even know i had an interview for (long story). but still incredibly awesome. not even incredibly awesome... more like spectacular. like fp good.... i really am keeping my fingers, toes, hair, legs, arms, and eyes crossed.

it was lovely spending monday in the village, indulging in cupcake hunts for sarah and pinkberry. oh pinkberry, you are my new latest obsession. seriously, whoever said that they put crack in their yogurt is completely correct. i want some now. ridiculous. but otherwise, i had a lovely, albeit short, time with sarah in stepford wives land. i didn't end up seeing rent because i was too damn tired and nervous for my interviews (did i mention i did FOUR in one day?) so i decided to skip it. anthony and adam will have to just come back at the age of 80 and reprise their roles again. and they will as they will milk their rent fame for everything it's got.

ummm. i have a second interview at the retail store tomorrow. i'm going to do it regardless of whatever happens with this other job. but for now, i wait... and wait...

~annalisa