round and round i go again...

it's off to nyc again. two interviews in one day? i would have never imagined it. i only hope for the best.

i had an interview with a retail store tonight. i really have no idea why i did not apply to this place sooner. just from the retail point of view, it is an amazing place to work. i can't even fathom what it is like to work at the corporate office. hmm, have i applied there recently?

to see rent or not to see rent is the question tomorrow. it is anthony rapp and adam pascal's last week and i don't know if i should miss that. but i also don't want to be exhausted for my interviews the next day rolling into connecticut at 11:30 to disturb sarah. we shall see what occurs.

au revoir

~annalisa

i want my...

1st interview: done.
2nd interview: tuesday at 10.
3rd interview (what?????): tuesday at 2.

i'm not going to go much into the first interview. we will see how it all pans out. if you want to know more about it, just im me.
but the more exciting news is that i got a third interview!!!!! and not just any old interview.... this one is with............ well, you can figure it out.

::cue in excitement::

~annalisa

a prayer

to the greater power above:
give me strength... and bring me happiness...

~annalisa

oh boze...

hmmmmm what could i write about?

my two interviews in nyc in the next two weeks?
no...
how i almost went to jail for 30 days because i missed my jury duty day?
nah....
how i just got the most beautiful purse in the WORLD for my birthday/christmas?
no no no....


what it is i will talk about today is the fact that for the first time in my lifetime, i saw my grandmother in pants. PANTS.
now, babcia grew up in the 1930's/40's when it still wasn't totally acceptable to wear pants. i mean, in the states women were just starting to (rosie the riveter anyone?) but in europe, women were still basically expected to wear dresses and skirts. anyhow, this thought never left my babcia's head, and she has NEVER worn pants.
lo and behold, i came home this morning from the bank to quite a shock when MY BABCIA was wearing pants. pants. PANTS. i nearly fell down. no really... pants. babcia. what?

needless to say, she now has one pair of brand new pants to wear in the winter time. she also insists on wearing pantyhose underneath the pants. but whatever, the fact is babcia is wearing pants.

the end.

~annalisa

yes Yes YES!

hey there. i went away. yes, i went to philadelphia. had a lovely old time. lots of deliciousness (sam's AND the pub both being frequented twice), lots of quality melcclurmeader time. and i loved every last minute of it (with the exception of the trivia guy not showing up. wtf).

but this is not what this entry is about.

no no no.

i very rarely get excited about cd debuts. basically, i count down for a few artists, and that's that. but it NEVER happens that i count down two cd's on the same day... and today, my friends, is the day. no no, not 50 cent and kanye (although stronger is really my new jam). today is the debut of both james blunt and kt tunstall's sophomore albums. omg omg omg, i can't wait. i've listened to each once (while being distracted doing other stuff) and i'm just so excited. yes yes yes.

i need to go now. i am debating on bangs... like BANG BANG bangs. i feel like this could be glorious... or disastrous... time shall tell.


~annalisa

the past is now another land far beyond my reach.

tomorrow i venture to philadelphia again. everytime i go back, it lessens the pain of not being there for grad school. when i was there in april, i felt as if i never left. but at the same time, i saw for the very first time that life went on without me. it should be an interesting visit. no one is left. it used to be visiting a whole bunch of people, and now it is down to a few. while i am glad to go back and visit the kids, it makes me sad because (as i have said in previous blogs) i can't go back into the past and live the life i used to have. there will never be that chemistry of living in philadelphia and going about my daily business there. i thank everyday for the force that drove me to go to school in philadelphia as i will have a lifetime of memories. and yes, they were the happiest times of my life. but last time i was there, i left my heart in philadelphia. this time, i am going to get it back, and take it with me.

~annalisa

it's never really over.

music is an absolutely wonderful thing. it can help you through the best of times, the worst of times, the dullest of times, the busiest of times... music makes everyday things better like driving, working out, the movies... i mean, what is a movie without a brilliant movie soundtrack? it is absolutely amazing when you feel a connection with the artist's lyrics.... when you feel like you can relate to every single word and note being sung.

music is really what is getting me through the past couple weeks. i have been going through a confusing point in my life, one similar to the last time i graduated. i mean, seriously, who doesn't have an identity crisis when he/she graduates? you are so unsure of your life, when and where to take the next step. am i making the right choice? am i going too fast? what is it that i want? my mind has recently been full of questions that have no easy answers. but once i turn on some music, i seem to escape from my complicated life. and for that small amount of time, i don't have to think about anything. i can focus in on the words and the notes, and just be somewhere else. it is not easy these days for me to escape my house, but if i put some headphones on, and sit outside, i calm down and feel okay. today, while i sit out in my garage on a night that no longer is summer, but rather the start of fall, i escape again, not having to worry about tomorrow, three months from now or whatever. that i am okay for just a moment. and for now, okay is good enough for me.


Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over


~annalisa

bitter

i really should rename this blog "ridiculous reasons on why life is out to get me."
yet another wonderful occurence today. i was getting my normal venti unsweetened passion ice tea from starbucks, and i asked for an application. the way i figure it is if i have to stay in this god forsaken place known as buffalo, i might as well be paid to do so. so when i asked the guy barista for an application, he says:
are you over 18?
umm. yes.
oh, just checking because you have a young face.
ummm. yeh, i would consider myself a lot over 18.
how old are you?
23...
oh you are still so young.
yeh, but im certainly not 18.

instead, i really wanted to be like what the fuck, you are probably a year older than me, why the fuck are you giving me the 'ohhhhh im so olddddddd' reaction. so i just tee heed, and exited with my application and passion tea.

seriously, why doesn't someone ask how far along in my pregnancy i am, and i will be all set.

~annalisa

shoot me in the face

oh edgrr, i feel the same exact way...
honestly, lets stick one more jab into my chubby little thigh...
i went to the doctor yesterday for a regular checkup. i fondly note her philosophy as being a 'tough love' doctor. for example, when i asked her about gastric bypass surgery, she told me to stop being ridiculous and get on a treadmill. yeh, thanks. so at the checkup yesterday, she asked me what i was doing with my life.
ummmmm nothing.
where are you living?
with my parents.
why aren't you on your own?
ummmm.... i can't afford it? it's not like i ADORE/have a choice living at home...
it's unhealthy to be living with your parents at 23...
um... ok... silence
are you dating?
currently, no.
why not?
ummm.... i don't know. i didn't have time i guess.
well i think it would be good for you to be dating.

ummmmmmm. seriously... MY DOCTOR even rubs it in...
oh life, thank you for being so so cruel.

also, i'd like to thank steve jobs for not coming out with the new iPods A FREAKING WEEK AGO. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why why why. could have saved me just A FREAKING TAD of money... but then again, it just goes along with the theme of my life now.

~annalisa

a long time coming

time is not just flying, but going at super speed. seriously, it's september??? SEPTEMBER?? it was a year ago that i was just starting my mba program and wishing that it were september '07.
and now here it is, and i kind of don't know what to do with myself.

i came back from miami yesterday where i had a lot of time to think. about work. about my future. about my friendships. about life in general. and i came to the realization that i need to let go of my past. for the past two years, i longed to have what i had back in college. but until this weekend i realized i never will have that back. it physically can never happen. and all this antagonizing pain of being home, ready to start a new life was actually just wishing to have what i once had before. and up until this past week, it never really clicked. but being in miami, with the wind blowing in my hair and sand in my toes, i realized in order to be truly happy, i will have to move on. on my own. i don't want to... i want nothing more than to go back five years and start over my life in philadelphia: the theater, the friends, the classes, just the life. but i can't have that. and it is so difficult to grasp this concept because it means growing apart from those you love in order to do the right thing. i mean, i'm not the only one. everyone sorta loses touch with high school friends, friends from old jobs, friends from old neighborhoods. it's just another part of the process i suppose, but it is better than clinging on to something i just can't have.
this in no way means i am letting go of friendships. there are some people who are very special to me and will remain a big part of my life. but for the first time in my life, i am going to think of myself first and not others (as selfishness isn't really part of my life) and get ready for the next chapter, wherever it may be. it hurts a lot. it hurts a lot that i'm going at this alone in the world, but we are put on this earth to do so.

let it be known, this entry is not dedicated to one person. it has been a long time coming regardless of any events happening in my life both good and bad. this has been in my head for the past couple months, and for the first time i actually could express myself. i find that it takes a lot of courage to display this on the internet for people to read, but i have always been a very open person, able to display my emotions for everyone to see. i've never hidden what i feel, so why should i stop now. and sure, thats part of my character flaw, but i also think it is what makes me a fairly strong and stable person. it's probably the reason why a lot of you out there (who actually know me) are friends with me and why some people dislike me. because of my honesty, my openness, my uniqueness, my big/loud personality. and to quote the amazingness of high school musical "i've got to move on and be who i am... i gotta go my own way" hahaha.... i just quoted hsm. seriously, what is the world coming to?
i'll leave this entry with a more intellegent quote from barack obama's book 'dreams from my father' which i am reading now... "sometimes you can't worry about hurt. sometimes you only worry about getting where you have to go."

~annalisa