a year in review: 2007

well, i really don't know even where to begin to describe 2007. in the 23 years i have been alive, 2007 has had the most extreme ups and downs that i have ever had. as cliche as it sounds, i think that 2007 was really the transition year to prepare me for adulthood. yes, i am an adult now... but i mean really grow up. with the pending job opportunities and the possibility of a move, i think that a higher power planned for me to truly grow up in 2008 and to enjoy the last bit of childhood in 2007. i learned A LOT this year. i had really really strong doses of reality that i wasn't ready for. i worked hard. i was disappointed. i was incredibly happy. i was angry. but sitting back and reflecting on all of this, i am just amazed. i am amazed about how much i have accomplished. i am amazed how strong of a person i am. i am amazed how far i have made it in this world, and how much more i have to go. through all of these realizations, i know that i am ready for the next step of my life. i could be scared that i am going at it completely alone, but i have complete faith that i am going to make it in this world. i have made it this far with the support and love of those around me. it's time to do it on my own.


in the past twelve months, i received a masters degree, i was a maid of honor in a wedding, i helped my parents move and build a house, i gained friends, i lost touch with some. i dealt with family illness, i watched my parents age. i appreciated having a normal healthy childhood after watching a child all summer who could be in the hospital at any moment. i traveled to familiar places, and to places i had never been before in my life. i went to florida twice in one month! i learned to let go of some things. i wore a lot more makeup and made myself a lot more presentable. i made myself realize that i can be beautiful regardless of weight or body type. i realized i need to put myself above everything else and to never let anything stand in the way of what i want. i learned to put things into perspective... some things aren't the end of the world. others mean a lot more than they seem. i found out that people sometimes can really hurt you when you least expect it. but you learn to be a stronger person, to pick up the pieces and move on. i learned more about computers and electronics than all my years combined. i found out that i love edamame. i realized that i am getting older and my hair is getting gray.

but most importantly, i was reaffirmed that my family are the most important people in my life. they were with me through every single one of these event in 2007. when i came home after undergrad, i was depressed, angry, and upset with the world. my parents were afraid to talk to me. they were worried, but let me grieve. finally, my mother told me there was a reason i came back home. i didn't understand at first, but a year and a half later i truly believe that sentiment. and i am so glad i did it.

so lets bring on 2008. it's time to leave the cushiness of being home, getting what i want, having something to always fall back on. time for me to make some choices, take a deep breath, and move on forward. but i will never ever forget 2007, as good or bad it has been...

happy new year. i know it will be for me.

~annalisa

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

have yourself a merry little christmas...

so this is christmas... and THANK GOD it's over. i'm not really a christmas person. my family in general isn't. the whole commercial aspect of it makes me sick. but the family aspect is wonderful. i guess when i have a bigger family it will mean more....

per christmas tradition, mom, dad, and i went to the movies. this year's pick was national treasure 2. it was fun... pure fluff and ridiculous product endorsement... but fun. i do love going to the movies, but seriously the selection needs to step up because NOTHING good is out. well, there is sweeney todd, but i saw that earlier this week, and while johnny depp is truly amazing, i think i have seen enough blood for a year... or two...

what did i get this year?
nothing under the tree. i got the gift from my parents one month ago (i had the option to open it christmas morning, but i was far far too impatient). however, christmas clearly came early this year with the news of this week, so i was beyond okay with waking up with nothing under the tree. lets just hope that everything follows through, and i will have gotten my christmas wish...

well, ho ho ho and a bottle of rum. that's it for x-mas this year... now to the hell that will be job tomorrow... shudder....

~annalisa

ps. stay tuned for my annual recap of the year coming this week. i know all two of you are anxiously waiting ;)

aye ya ya

i am typing to you all from the smallest computer in the freaking world, so i apologize for any spelling errors. this computer fits in the palms of my hands and is smaller than my electronic diary from like 15 years ago. ah-mah-zing.

i have been incredibly anxious ever since all the news i have had this week. i really have had enough of job. today was actually my last straw. job has made me hate not only canadians and people in general, but the christmas holiday all together. don't get me wrong, the people i work with are really really fantastic. they make the whole experience worth the while. some more than others... but the position they have me in is just a ridiculous waste of my talent. i'm done.

i was supposed to go out and hang out with the girls tonight, but because of the horrendous day at job, i just didn't have the strength. which left me at home to think about everything going on and thus leading to this journal entry. blaaaaaaaah thinking too much isn't so great.

~annalisa

why don't we do it in the road...

i tossed and turned all night thinking of everything going on in my life right now. after two months of killing myself at job, i finally have some ray of hope of getting out of here. nothing is said and done, but there is a good chance 2008 is going to start off well.


with that being said, there is one teensy tiny thing that's holding me back. i mean, i could be reading into things, but i don't know. scratch that, nothing can hold me back.

sigh... this is me very very happy. but slightly confused.

~annalisa

ps. i have "why don't we do it in the road" in my head.... WHY?!?

looking up

things.are.looking....
UP

~annalisa

i travel the world

today at job i traveled to krakow, poland. then to australia. and then to the moon...

that is all.

~annalisa

kiss me it's beginning to snow...

well the national weather service predicted some snow today.... and they delivered. thankfully i was off today so that i didnt have to travel in the dreadful weather. 

as of late, i have been having the urge to bake. i baked brownies, cupcakes (twice), no pudge, and really want to bake cookies. what is wrong with me?? in addition to that, i have been having this strange maternal instinct. ummmmmmmmm what?

job prospects are brightening up. i don't want to give my hopes up, but i have four potential opportunities coming up. i can only pray and hope something goes through. i hope that 2008 will be the start of the rest of my life.

~annalisa

don't stop believin???

i told eva that i would post this picture in my blog. regardless of how hideodious i look.

is there a light at the end of the tunnel? should i really not stop believin??

hmmm


~annalisa

when it rains, it POURS

Viacom freelancers go on strike


FUCK

~annalisa

pink on pink on pink

proof of the pink on pink on pink heart shaped cupcakes. i made them again today for our secret non denominational santa/ goodbye party for liz. liz is off to move to philadelphia. if only she would have done so a couple years ago when i was there...
anyhow, i had a lovely saturday off. it was my first saturday off since my birthday almost a month and a half ago. i miss the weekends along with the steady 8-5 monday through friday job. but i mean i have to stop complaining. i can keep complaining and be miserable or i can push through and wish for better things in the future. right? right.
christmas is coming up... wow. i got my gifts, and my parents are getting their gift this week. we aren't big under the tree christmas morning gift givers. we actually don't usually do big gifts either. but this year, we all deserved the big gifts that we got, seeing as all of us didn't get something that we were looking forward to this year. yeh...

ok, i have to be at job at 9 tomorrow. fantastic.

~annalisa

nothing

i feel like this:
:(
and i feel like :( for multiple reasons that i really don't feel like going into at this moment. but i just want to say i miss my friends, both near and far, and i just miss the stability that i had over a year ago. i also miss being able to write. i went back and read a lot of my livejournals and enjoyed my commentary. and i just don't have the motivation to do so anymore.
whatever. i just hope 2008 starts off with a bang.

~annalisa

ps. on a positive note, i made pink on pink on pink heart shaped cupcakes. they were glorious.

hohoho, eh?

it's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. however, when you work in retail, this is certainly not the case. now, i have complained enough in this journal about my ups and downs of job, and that is not what i am going to do today.

i had a day off. a day off on a weekend day is a VERY rare thing to have. i initially had every intention of not moving my ass from the couch, and watching bad tv all day. but roseanne hadn't seen me in awhile, and she motivated me to get off my ass and see the world outside the doors of job. and she meant that quite litereally as we made our way to the mall. now, it was incredibly strange to be a visitor of the mall rather than an employee, but i found myself being sympathetic to every single worker in any of the stores we went into. this also included the mall santa. roseanne and i spotted the santa on our way out, and he was standing and waving to people rather than sitting in his chair being jolly and rosy with children screaming on his lap. so roseanne had the brilliant idea to give him something to do, and we decided to take our picture with him. now, santa wasn't as jolly and happy as i was expecting him to be, but as soon as he took our picture and roseanne was going to pay, he said:
santa-"so you have a long drive back tonight?"
me- "no?"
santa- "oh, you aren't from toronto or canada?"
at that moment, i realized why he wasn't jolly or rosy as i completely understand what it is he had to deal with that day. and just laughed and told him that i work at job in the mall and completely understand what he is going through. he gave a little laugh (sadly not a hohoho) and wished me the best of luck at job in the holiday season.

we mall employees have to stick together as much as we can and brave our neighbors from up north. even santa.

~annalisa

ps. see that smile on roseanne's face? that is the most sincere smile i have ever seen her take in a photograph. she was SO happy to take this picture.

it's turkey lurkey time...

i just had three days off. and it totally didnt feel like it AT ALL. and now it is back to job where i go in with a positive attitude and leave with no voice and a desire to kill canadians.
what did i do in my three days off? well after a dinner party on tuesday night, i almost got into a car accident where quite honestly, i thought i was going to die. seriously, i have never been so scared in my life. we laughed later on because we were joking that my last words were going to be "hold on girls". seriously, i need to work on something better to say before i die.
i also ate. a lot. and i sat on the couch a lot. because i am ill. OH, and i read a lot which i am happy about (currently i am reading "ps, i love you" and am psyched about the movie). and i sniffled, sneezed, and blew my nose A LOT. probably more than any of the other stuff combined. and with that being said, i need to get my sick ass to bed so that i can be suzy sunshine for the crazy black friday shoppers. and effing asshole canadians*.

~annalisa
* i would just like to reiterate the fact that i LOVE my canadian friends and family. they are not involved in this mix.

ps. i realize i am in a state of my life where i am not content with where i am right now, but as it is thanksgiving i just want to say i am thankful to those who have been so incredibly supportive these past few months, and i am really really thankful for my family. because without them, i would truly be lost.
pps. my face in this picture is absolutely horrific. but no other photo of me in the past two months has even been remotely attractive enough to put onto the internet. ANNALISA: MOVE

crackberry

i could kill someone for some pinkberry right now...


~annalisa

oh canada

quite honestly, i think this blog is done. i have nothing to report other than that i work 5-6 days a week, and i am getting sick. on my days off, i just lie on the couch and remain immobile for the entire day. at work, i wait on 293740273408302497029347092374 canadians and like 2 americans. i really do feel like i am in canada. and while i love the neighbors up north, i have never hated them more than i do right now. seriously, go home and purchase your own goods and leave us alone.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.

~annalisa

drama drama drama

isn't it sad when some things never change? like drama CONTINUES to follow you when you are taken out of a situation for a long long time??? wow wow wow.

some organizations don't cease to amaze me.

~annalisa
ps. life is still job. such that i have nothing to take pictures of, and edgrr will have to do.

winter

ok, so i started a new job. no, i am not allowed to talk about where on the internet, so from now on, i work at what i will call "job" (this actually has more meaning to it than just the word, so cookie if you figure it out). i work at job full time and job will now be my life. as it is, i was at job from 1-11 tonight. i will be so good at selling job's products that i will probably dream of them. such is life.

this blog is going to get so boring. because my life is job.

~annalisa

ps. first snowfall today. hello winter. let it not be like last fall (see picture).

a fairytale

once upon a time, there was a girl who always dreamt of bright lights and bigger and better things. "she has a bright future" everyone would say. "she's different. she really is going to BE something". the little girl didn't think much about it. and like every other little girl, she didn't want to be different. she just wanted to be like everyone else.

as time went on, the little girl realized that being different could actually be a good thing. but this realization didn't come easy. the little girl, with the love and support of her family and friends, learned not to take everything so seriously, and to do what your heart tells you. take all criticism like a grain of salt. and the little girl grew stronger and stronger into a confident young lady. this young lady was ready to take on the world on her own. she was ready for those dreams of bright lights and bigger and better things.

the young lady went off on her own. she found herself able to take care of herself for the first time, and to evaluate any bumps that came her way. she formed her own little family away from home, and pushed herself to do well while still allowing time for fun. but the dreams of the bright lights never faded, and she made a promise to herself to never give up no matter what.

the young lady finished that phase of her life, but can not seem to reach for the bright lights, no matter how hard she tries. sometimes she is so close that she can touch the flame. and other times the lights are so dim that she can't see what is ahead of her. for the first time, the young lady is having a hard time pushing forward because she has nothing to fall back on. she is stuck with so many choices, many of which just take her away from the bright lights. recently, there has been a block in the road, and the young lady has decided to take a detour. but no matter how long the detour takes, no matter what road this detour takes her, the young lady hopes that soon enough the detour will lead again to the bright lights and big dreams. after all, years ago she promised the little girl that she would never give up...

~annalisa

loss

i have been thinking a lot lately (i've heard! um, no one will get this... anyway) about how much i regret not studying abroad when i was at sju. i look at pictures of people who are abroad now or went abroad, and am just so incredibly jealous. i always envisioned going to college, and in my sophomore or junior year studying abroad with some close friends and having the time of my life. but that just didn't happen. i picked up a bunch of applications while i was in school for spain, london, and australia, but i never followed through. i mean, a lot got in the way (namely theater) but thinking back, i really would had said fuck it all, and studied abroad. and now i have this desire to go certain places but a- i don't have the money and b- will probably be working somewhere in the immediate future (ps, work places, call me????) and i will just not have the time an money to travel. whatever, forget regret, right? i don't know.

in other news, i got a call from a 212 number when i was at wegmans today, and dropped everything i was holding and answered the phone, only to find it was an apartment broker telling me that he found a 'killer' apartment. i wanted to tell him 'fuck your killer apartment' and hang up. ugh. THIS NEEDS TO STOP.

~annalisa

a moment like this...

steve carrell was right... OMG KELLY CLARKSON!

what i love about an artist is when he or she sings better than their cd. WOW WOW WOW. no comparison.
i wish i recorded the concert. or at least the part when she pointed to me and said thank you for knowing the lyrics to the new cd.
best birthday gift i could ever get. wow.

~annalisa

it's the little things

what made my entire night?
kristen chenoweth and ellen greene singing together on "pushing daisy's". now if only raul jumped right in the next time he guest stars, then that will make my entire life.

~annalisa

easy silence

i have been better. i've been uneasy, tense, anxious, and have been snapping at people. visibly, i look "tired" and "sad" (direct quotes from the past week and a half). my phone remains in my pocket at all times, both with the "don't stop believing" ringtone and vibrate. my mom told me when the first bout of doubt sets in, that is when things stop happening. i have been trying and trying to stay positive and optimistic, but i can't help the doubt as time passes. i am at the end of my rope. i have been trying for more than a year. and i left my last bit of optimism at breakfast when my father suggested looking at other places in buffalo. if this doesn't work, i am done for awhile. i will take the retail job, and stay here. there has been too much disappointment, and i just can't take anymore. you have to work hard for your dreams, but there is only so much one person can take. there should be no reason to be this anxious. i don't sleep at night. i wake up early, and do nothing all day. of course, there are a million things i could be doing. but i just can't make myself do anything. i tried taking a yoga course, but i just have no motivation to go. i had 5 spa treatments, but feel no less stressed. i don't even feel like picking up the phone and scheduling my final treatment. and i can't even begin to talk about the constant fighting between my mother and grandmother. honestly...

i didn't intend for this to be sad. i'm not sad per say... i'm just... there. i don't know. i just need a response, get it over with, move on. except i have no more strength to move on to the next thing.


~annalisa

dvr

i think my faithful followers deserve an update. it's going to be a pretty boring journal as nothing, and i mean NOTHING is going on in my life.

-my birthday is on the way. i get excited when i see milk cartons and other experation dates that expire on my birthday. what am i doing this year? kelly clarkson concert?? YES. and then i am going out downtown with my friends. it should be a fun birthday.

-my dad is dressing up as edna turnblad for halloween at work. that is all.

-no, i have not heard from the job. it's an absolutely terrible waiting game. every time i hear the "don't stop believing" ringtone from my phone, i jump 4 feet in the air only to find that it is not a 212 area code. but there is a reason why i changed my ringtone to "don't stop believing"...

-okay, it is not a lie when i say that i am in borders at least 5 times a week. thank god they have 39482 employees so they don't think i am bizarre coming in so much. i have been reading about 2 books a week now (lalala i do nothing in my life). perhaps i should go to a library??

-i went to friday's today and had the three course meal. seriously, this is why america has an obesity problem. i had FRIED green beans with FRIED chicken fingers and french FRIES, followed by oreo cake. um, i didn't eat the chicken fingers and fries because i was nauseous from the green beans. omg. i need a gym.

-my family got dvr last week. and it has changed my life.

happy fall...

~annalisa

waiting game

and now i wait.

~annalisa

happy thanksgiving, eh?

i am lucky in that i get to celebrate thanksgiving twice a year. my family lives in toronto, and every year i get the chance to catch up and eat deliciousness. regardless of any upsets that occured this weekend (and wow, were there fights) i had a nice time, and i was really lucky to spend time with my cousin teresa before she is off to saigon, vietnam for a year. it was also really nice that my cousin anna got to come and visit buffalo since she hasn't been able to come for awhile.

my second interview is on friday, and i leave thursday night. i will be in the city apartment hunting this weekend just to get a feel of what the apartment situation is like. i'm crossing my fingers that the interview will go well. but for now, i just prepare and prepare and prepare.

~annalisa

to be or not to be

i don't think i could be anymore confused than i am right now. i need an easy button for life.

~annalisa

cupcakes anyone?

i don't want to jinx things. but things went well. really well. to the point i have a second interview next week and they are paying for me to go out there. and it is with a place i didn't even know i had an interview for (long story). but still incredibly awesome. not even incredibly awesome... more like spectacular. like fp good.... i really am keeping my fingers, toes, hair, legs, arms, and eyes crossed.

it was lovely spending monday in the village, indulging in cupcake hunts for sarah and pinkberry. oh pinkberry, you are my new latest obsession. seriously, whoever said that they put crack in their yogurt is completely correct. i want some now. ridiculous. but otherwise, i had a lovely, albeit short, time with sarah in stepford wives land. i didn't end up seeing rent because i was too damn tired and nervous for my interviews (did i mention i did FOUR in one day?) so i decided to skip it. anthony and adam will have to just come back at the age of 80 and reprise their roles again. and they will as they will milk their rent fame for everything it's got.

ummm. i have a second interview at the retail store tomorrow. i'm going to do it regardless of whatever happens with this other job. but for now, i wait... and wait...

~annalisa

round and round i go again...

it's off to nyc again. two interviews in one day? i would have never imagined it. i only hope for the best.

i had an interview with a retail store tonight. i really have no idea why i did not apply to this place sooner. just from the retail point of view, it is an amazing place to work. i can't even fathom what it is like to work at the corporate office. hmm, have i applied there recently?

to see rent or not to see rent is the question tomorrow. it is anthony rapp and adam pascal's last week and i don't know if i should miss that. but i also don't want to be exhausted for my interviews the next day rolling into connecticut at 11:30 to disturb sarah. we shall see what occurs.

au revoir

~annalisa

i want my...

1st interview: done.
2nd interview: tuesday at 10.
3rd interview (what?????): tuesday at 2.

i'm not going to go much into the first interview. we will see how it all pans out. if you want to know more about it, just im me.
but the more exciting news is that i got a third interview!!!!! and not just any old interview.... this one is with............ well, you can figure it out.

::cue in excitement::

~annalisa

a prayer

to the greater power above:
give me strength... and bring me happiness...

~annalisa

oh boze...

hmmmmm what could i write about?

my two interviews in nyc in the next two weeks?
no...
how i almost went to jail for 30 days because i missed my jury duty day?
nah....
how i just got the most beautiful purse in the WORLD for my birthday/christmas?
no no no....


what it is i will talk about today is the fact that for the first time in my lifetime, i saw my grandmother in pants. PANTS.
now, babcia grew up in the 1930's/40's when it still wasn't totally acceptable to wear pants. i mean, in the states women were just starting to (rosie the riveter anyone?) but in europe, women were still basically expected to wear dresses and skirts. anyhow, this thought never left my babcia's head, and she has NEVER worn pants.
lo and behold, i came home this morning from the bank to quite a shock when MY BABCIA was wearing pants. pants. PANTS. i nearly fell down. no really... pants. babcia. what?

needless to say, she now has one pair of brand new pants to wear in the winter time. she also insists on wearing pantyhose underneath the pants. but whatever, the fact is babcia is wearing pants.

the end.

~annalisa

yes Yes YES!

hey there. i went away. yes, i went to philadelphia. had a lovely old time. lots of deliciousness (sam's AND the pub both being frequented twice), lots of quality melcclurmeader time. and i loved every last minute of it (with the exception of the trivia guy not showing up. wtf).

but this is not what this entry is about.

no no no.

i very rarely get excited about cd debuts. basically, i count down for a few artists, and that's that. but it NEVER happens that i count down two cd's on the same day... and today, my friends, is the day. no no, not 50 cent and kanye (although stronger is really my new jam). today is the debut of both james blunt and kt tunstall's sophomore albums. omg omg omg, i can't wait. i've listened to each once (while being distracted doing other stuff) and i'm just so excited. yes yes yes.

i need to go now. i am debating on bangs... like BANG BANG bangs. i feel like this could be glorious... or disastrous... time shall tell.


~annalisa

the past is now another land far beyond my reach.

tomorrow i venture to philadelphia again. everytime i go back, it lessens the pain of not being there for grad school. when i was there in april, i felt as if i never left. but at the same time, i saw for the very first time that life went on without me. it should be an interesting visit. no one is left. it used to be visiting a whole bunch of people, and now it is down to a few. while i am glad to go back and visit the kids, it makes me sad because (as i have said in previous blogs) i can't go back into the past and live the life i used to have. there will never be that chemistry of living in philadelphia and going about my daily business there. i thank everyday for the force that drove me to go to school in philadelphia as i will have a lifetime of memories. and yes, they were the happiest times of my life. but last time i was there, i left my heart in philadelphia. this time, i am going to get it back, and take it with me.

~annalisa

it's never really over.

music is an absolutely wonderful thing. it can help you through the best of times, the worst of times, the dullest of times, the busiest of times... music makes everyday things better like driving, working out, the movies... i mean, what is a movie without a brilliant movie soundtrack? it is absolutely amazing when you feel a connection with the artist's lyrics.... when you feel like you can relate to every single word and note being sung.

music is really what is getting me through the past couple weeks. i have been going through a confusing point in my life, one similar to the last time i graduated. i mean, seriously, who doesn't have an identity crisis when he/she graduates? you are so unsure of your life, when and where to take the next step. am i making the right choice? am i going too fast? what is it that i want? my mind has recently been full of questions that have no easy answers. but once i turn on some music, i seem to escape from my complicated life. and for that small amount of time, i don't have to think about anything. i can focus in on the words and the notes, and just be somewhere else. it is not easy these days for me to escape my house, but if i put some headphones on, and sit outside, i calm down and feel okay. today, while i sit out in my garage on a night that no longer is summer, but rather the start of fall, i escape again, not having to worry about tomorrow, three months from now or whatever. that i am okay for just a moment. and for now, okay is good enough for me.


Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over


~annalisa

bitter

i really should rename this blog "ridiculous reasons on why life is out to get me."
yet another wonderful occurence today. i was getting my normal venti unsweetened passion ice tea from starbucks, and i asked for an application. the way i figure it is if i have to stay in this god forsaken place known as buffalo, i might as well be paid to do so. so when i asked the guy barista for an application, he says:
are you over 18?
umm. yes.
oh, just checking because you have a young face.
ummm. yeh, i would consider myself a lot over 18.
how old are you?
23...
oh you are still so young.
yeh, but im certainly not 18.

instead, i really wanted to be like what the fuck, you are probably a year older than me, why the fuck are you giving me the 'ohhhhh im so olddddddd' reaction. so i just tee heed, and exited with my application and passion tea.

seriously, why doesn't someone ask how far along in my pregnancy i am, and i will be all set.

~annalisa

shoot me in the face

oh edgrr, i feel the same exact way...
honestly, lets stick one more jab into my chubby little thigh...
i went to the doctor yesterday for a regular checkup. i fondly note her philosophy as being a 'tough love' doctor. for example, when i asked her about gastric bypass surgery, she told me to stop being ridiculous and get on a treadmill. yeh, thanks. so at the checkup yesterday, she asked me what i was doing with my life.
ummmmm nothing.
where are you living?
with my parents.
why aren't you on your own?
ummmm.... i can't afford it? it's not like i ADORE/have a choice living at home...
it's unhealthy to be living with your parents at 23...
um... ok... silence
are you dating?
currently, no.
why not?
ummm.... i don't know. i didn't have time i guess.
well i think it would be good for you to be dating.

ummmmmmm. seriously... MY DOCTOR even rubs it in...
oh life, thank you for being so so cruel.

also, i'd like to thank steve jobs for not coming out with the new iPods A FREAKING WEEK AGO. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why why why. could have saved me just A FREAKING TAD of money... but then again, it just goes along with the theme of my life now.

~annalisa

a long time coming

time is not just flying, but going at super speed. seriously, it's september??? SEPTEMBER?? it was a year ago that i was just starting my mba program and wishing that it were september '07.
and now here it is, and i kind of don't know what to do with myself.

i came back from miami yesterday where i had a lot of time to think. about work. about my future. about my friendships. about life in general. and i came to the realization that i need to let go of my past. for the past two years, i longed to have what i had back in college. but until this weekend i realized i never will have that back. it physically can never happen. and all this antagonizing pain of being home, ready to start a new life was actually just wishing to have what i once had before. and up until this past week, it never really clicked. but being in miami, with the wind blowing in my hair and sand in my toes, i realized in order to be truly happy, i will have to move on. on my own. i don't want to... i want nothing more than to go back five years and start over my life in philadelphia: the theater, the friends, the classes, just the life. but i can't have that. and it is so difficult to grasp this concept because it means growing apart from those you love in order to do the right thing. i mean, i'm not the only one. everyone sorta loses touch with high school friends, friends from old jobs, friends from old neighborhoods. it's just another part of the process i suppose, but it is better than clinging on to something i just can't have.
this in no way means i am letting go of friendships. there are some people who are very special to me and will remain a big part of my life. but for the first time in my life, i am going to think of myself first and not others (as selfishness isn't really part of my life) and get ready for the next chapter, wherever it may be. it hurts a lot. it hurts a lot that i'm going at this alone in the world, but we are put on this earth to do so.

let it be known, this entry is not dedicated to one person. it has been a long time coming regardless of any events happening in my life both good and bad. this has been in my head for the past couple months, and for the first time i actually could express myself. i find that it takes a lot of courage to display this on the internet for people to read, but i have always been a very open person, able to display my emotions for everyone to see. i've never hidden what i feel, so why should i stop now. and sure, thats part of my character flaw, but i also think it is what makes me a fairly strong and stable person. it's probably the reason why a lot of you out there (who actually know me) are friends with me and why some people dislike me. because of my honesty, my openness, my uniqueness, my big/loud personality. and to quote the amazingness of high school musical "i've got to move on and be who i am... i gotta go my own way" hahaha.... i just quoted hsm. seriously, what is the world coming to?
i'll leave this entry with a more intellegent quote from barack obama's book 'dreams from my father' which i am reading now... "sometimes you can't worry about hurt. sometimes you only worry about getting where you have to go."

~annalisa

fin

i came, i saw, i graduated...


and for the first time ever in this devil of a program, i was really truly sad that i had to leave it... not for reason of the program itself (that is still the mba according to satan) but the people i grew to know and love. and that fact that i wont see these people who i saw almost everyday for the past 365 days just saddens my heart. but time to move on...

the question really is though, is it time for me to move on?

~annalisa

have a magical day...

disney came and went. it was hot hot hot and i argued plenty with my parents (in good fun), but it is nice to be home. i got sick on the last day of the trip, which leads me to today and my gross buggery face. one of my alternatives if i don't get a job by my birthday is just to go and work at disney for 6 months or so. who knows what life will bring, so i am just taking it one step at a time for now.


and now back to lying on my couch and snuffling. oh, and our tv isn't working... so for now i'm just staring at the walls.

~annalisa

Nanny McCigank

so for those of you who don't know, i was a nanny this past summer. yes, mary fucking poppins.... but without the whole being magical and awesome like that. i watch an 11 year old boy who we will call 'g'. g has a kidney disease that requires him to take medicine every six hours, and he can't sweat in large amounts, or his kidney's start to fail. so this basically means no running, so sports, no being outside in 80 degree weather for more than 30 mins. and this is why, ladies and gentlemen, i fit the bill perfectly to be g's babysitter. now, it hasn't been a piece of cake with him. we are on a limited budget, so it is kind of tough to do things with him. i always ask him what he wants to do, and 99% of the time he just wants to stay home and watch tv. which is fine, but i want him to get out and enjoy the world. afterall, these are the perks of a nanny with a car. today i basically forced him to come to school with me to drop off some stuff, and them took him to niagara falls. and for the first time since i have started nannying, he actually seemed to be having a good time. granted, it was 93 degrees out, and we paid 12 dollars to park for only 45 minutes, but he really enjoyed himself. as soon as we got home, he called his mom and told her what a good time he had today. she called me later to thank me for getting him out of the house finally, and for giving him such a great day. tomorrow, g has to go into the hospital for some tests, so i am going to take him to the county fair afterwards to feel better, and hopefully have as good as a time as we did today.

~annalisa

THE END

GOODBYE MBA. YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FUN. THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH FOR BEING OVER.


sincerely yours,
annalisa. mba.

the power of goodbye

i have been incredibly fortunate to find amazing friends both at home and at school. when i was at school, i sort of lost touch with some of these friends, but this past year that i have been home has been a time to sort of catch up on lost time. with the summer coming to a close and the possibility of me moving away in the next couple months, i have started the sort of 'going away' mentality where i never know if one of these weekends will be the last i get to spend with my friends from home. it didnt really hit me until this past weekend when i was driving with z, and she starting to get upset because she thought this was the last time i would be seeing her. i reassured her that it DEFIANTLY was not the last time as a. i don't have a job as of yet, and b. i would never leave without saying goodbye. then she made me promise to keep in touch and visit because she was going to have a hard time when i left. i shut the car door, and just kinda sat in my car for a couple minutes thinking about how sad i am going to be when i leave. if you asked me one year ago, i would have traded anything to get the fuck out of this place and leave for new york city. no sadness, no hesitation. but leaving now will be bittersweet: i will be fulfilling my dream, but am also going to be so sad to leave these amazing people behind. and i say time and time again: i was home this year for a reason. it's just now that i'm starting to figure them out...

~annalisa

VENT

ok... some facts:

-from 1990 to 2006, the name "Anna" has been in the top 50 most popular names in the united states, topping at number 19 in 2001.
-in the 1980's, the name "Lisa" also was in the top 50 most popular names in the united states, and in the top 200 names from 1990 to present.

however, when you put the names "Anna" and "Lisa" together, it seems to BOGGLE people's minds. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO SAY MY NAME????? i dont understand why this is such a difficult concept. the following are names people prefer to call me:
alissa, elise, amanda, alisha, annabelle, andrea, laura (????????), alisa/elisa, emily (?!?!?)..... i truly could go on, but i just don't have any desire to.

the only people i allow to be my friend can actually say my name. thankyouverymuchhaveaniceday.....


~annalisa

m.i.a.

sorry i have been mia. we are in the process of moving (my parents that is), and it has been absolute madness. between school, nannying, packing, moving, babcia, the wedding, harry potter etc... this july has been the busiest month i have had in a long time. right now i am at the new house (as i am in the picture) waiting with babcia and edgar for the movers to arrive and drop off our stuff. its so hard to believe that i am saying goodbye to my old house that i lived in for seven years, and am onward to yet another one. and (crossing my fingers) i will probably move again within the next couple months pending on a job. speaking of which, i have not heard from fp, so i'm still anxiously waiting. i can only hope for the best, and not give my hopes up.

i will re-update what has happened in my life once the move has settled down and i can find where i packed my camera cord. whoops.

~annalisa

home sweet home

today we closed on our new house, and will be moving in on tuesday. it is so weird to think that i am going to pack up and move, then possibly move again within the next few months. for the first time since moving back from graduating in my undergrad, i am sad that i have to go. don't get me wrong, i am ready to move on with life, and do bigger and better things. but part of my is sad that i am going to miss out on a lot of the things with my parents that are going to happen in the new house. that being said, there are choices to be made, and made my decision a long time ago to fly out of the cuckoo's nest.

babcia has arrived, and she is as crabby as ever. the first thing she said to me when i was at my desk was "harry potter is the devil". i nearly laughed out loud at her comment, but then found it wise to keep my mouth shut. gotta love those old polish catholic grandma's.

~annalisa

ridiculous schooling

i only wish that the quality was better, but what can you expect with a camera phone. this, ladies and gentlemen, is an example of the ridiculousness of my failure of a mba. my professor, who is mumbling about absolutely nothing, is showing us photos of himself dressed in an army t-shirt and communist hat. trust me when i say that this has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with my class. but basically this is the gist of the class. talk about himself, his education, his travels, his other classes, his wife, sons, their schooling, their trips, their girlfriends, their girlfriend's lives, all the cars he ever owned, semester at sea, bungee jumping in zimbabwe etc etc etc... and.... nothing about marketing. so i was more than happy to capture this particular moment to really prove to the world that this program is a waste of time and money.

in other news, babcia is on her way... my mother should be arriving home with her at any minute. goodbye diet, hello pierogi's...

~annalisa

nyc, center of the universe

this is my native american friend melissa. i had never had a native american friend before this particular trip. i did have a friend named melissa, but she was just a regular old italian girl with nice olive skin. im so glad to make some new multicultural friends...

anyhow, nyc was lovely. i met up with mel the first day, and we caught a chorus line from the lotto seats. besides her being sick all night, we had a lovely time.

day two i dropped off mel, and met sarah at the hotel. we met up with kevin, and ate at john's in the village. per sarah's request, we saw legally blonde which fulfilled her dreams of becoming a blonde lawyer. two hours of constant 'OMG' and super short costumes was enough for me, but i did really enjoy it. i needed to make a quick trip to ann taylor due to the fact that my mom packed her suit pants rather than mine, and we bid sarah adieu after visiting the deliciouso buttercup cafe. kev and i caught spamalot (first time for both, gasp!) and we were both incredibly exhausted and went to bed at 11. sad sad sad.

on the third day, kev left incredibly early, and i was left to freak out about my interview. it was POURING, so i left an hour early because i knew the taxi line would be ridiculous and the roads a mess. i got to my interview about 45 mins early, so i stopped at a cosi across the street and read harry potter until it was time to go. the rest of the interview was kinda a blur. i went in for this interview as kinda an informal information session, and later found out that i was actually interviewing for a position that recently opened. i had three interviews and was there from 1:45- 5:30. and in the middle of my second interview, there was a fire drill. hahahaha. there i am in the pouring rain with my suit, but it was all fine. i think i did really well. i hope i did really well. time will tell.

so due to the fact that my flight was like triple delayed and i had nothing better to do (i have a paper to write, whoops), i finished harry potter. i am so incredibly sad it is over. i have been reading these books since 2001, and i feel like a large part of my adolescence is over. i wont go into too much detail as a courtesy to those who have not finished, but while it wasn't my favourite book of the series, i think she did it justice enough that she doesn't have to continue with the series. i give this woman credit for keeping this final book inside of her for so long. what a genius. she is someone i would love to have tea with someday.

ok, off to bed, and in the morrow to write my paper. agh.

~annalisa