i have been better. i've been uneasy, tense, anxious, and have been snapping at people. visibly, i look "tired" and "sad" (direct quotes from the past week and a half). my phone remains in my pocket at all times, both with the "don't stop believing" ringtone and vibrate. my mom told me when the first bout of doubt sets in, that is when things stop happening. i have been trying and trying to stay positive and optimistic, but i can't help the doubt as time passes. i am at the end of my rope. i have been trying for more than a year. and i left my last bit of optimism at breakfast when my father suggested looking at other places in buffalo. if this doesn't work, i am done for awhile. i will take the retail job, and stay here. there has been too much disappointment, and i just can't take anymore. you have to work hard for your dreams, but there is only so much one person can take. there should be no reason to be this anxious. i don't sleep at night. i wake up early, and do nothing all day. of course, there are a million things i could be doing. but i just can't make myself do anything. i tried taking a yoga course, but i just have no motivation to go. i had 5 spa treatments, but feel no less stressed. i don't even feel like picking up the phone and scheduling my final treatment. and i can't even begin to talk about the constant fighting between my mother and grandmother. honestly...
i didn't intend for this to be sad. i'm not sad per say... i'm just... there. i don't know. i just need a response, get it over with, move on. except i have no more strength to move on to the next thing.
~annalisa
1 comment:
You. Me. Phone date soon.
You need to talk about it, I need to talk about it, WE need to talk about it. ...Are we better off this way? :(
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